April 21, 2009 part 3

Ok, so if you were turning 4 and your mom and dad told you "you can have whatever you want for dinner, where do you want to go?" What would you choose? California Pizza Kitchen, of course, right? Yea, kinda what I thought too... haha. My son did! He asked for "fancy pizza" and I knew EXACTLY what he meant. We headed to the mall and he got exactly that.

We "never" let Eli ride the carousel, and I mean that literally, but since it WAS his birthday we gave it a spin. I'm just thankful I only ate half my pizza... I things could have gotten messy. Eli road the seal, I think that was another way to hint at the fact that the poor child just wanted to go to Sea World.

He also lucked out. I had a gift card for $10 for Build a Bear, so he got a new furry baby. This pup's name ended up being Peanut Butter (cute, eh?) Eli is very creative with this furry baby names! He came up with that one all on his own, just like Samich. No way could I possibly remember the parts routine this Build a Bear girl had Eli do, but it was awesome... he was rubbing his knee so Peanut Butter would always feel "kneeded" I mean it was precious. Eli had a great time building his new friend. We all had a good time! Happy Birthday Eli! I still can't believe you are 4!!

April 21, 2009 part 1

As our tradition has it, we released balloons today in honor of Ben. If you believe he is in heaven, then the balloons were sent to him. If you believe he has moved on to his next life, then maybe he will see them and smile, not knowing why they are floating by feeling something warm none the less.

I'm not sure if it is the surgery or what, but this year I missed Ben a great deal more then usual. Honestly, not sure if is Ben but all the things Eli is missing out on not having him here. All the "what ifs." Eli is old enough he asks questions, and he still doesn't quite understand. He makes connections with "Eli not being alone in mommy's tummy." I think it really helped seeing Jesi pregnant with Hayden. However, when "Ben" is mention he first things of Chrissie's son and doesn't understand why in the world mommy would be upset about Ben. Who could blame him, that would be quite confusing!

We talk very openly about Ben. I share my pain and sadness, but not to the point that it is overwhelming or depressing. Just every so often I will shed a tear, Eli will ask why and I will tell him. I think he needs to know and it isn't something that makes sense to hide from him. He is a smart little person and one day he would surely come to be angry if he found out we kept this from him.

Florida passed a law in the last year... most people don't know but according to the state of Florida Benjamin Phillip Clarke was never born. He has a death certificate, but no birth certificate. I have struggled with that a great deal. I worked with a group of parents of still borns and legislation was passed about a year ago and now there is a "still born birth certificate." I'm hoping by the boys' next birthday we will have one for Ben.


Benjamin Phillip Clarke, you are loved.....

and missed.

April 21, 2009 part 2

Eli had already had his big birthday cake at his party and he decided he would like a cookie for his birthday. So we lined up 4 dino birthday candles around the cookie and let the birthday wishes fly! He also brought out "his friends" to celebrate his "real birthday" with him. We opened his presents from mommy and daddy and the cards he had gotten in the mail. For some reason he was especially attached to the card Aunt Jesi and his new cousin Hayden had sent him and he hugged the picture of Hayden and kissed it (even without mommy telling him to!)

And as if on cue, the garden made a birthday strawberry just for Eli. Talk about a lucky boy!

April 19, 2009

April 12, 2009

We had a very low key Easter. The Bunny must have snuck in while we were sleeping and left a well stocked basket for Eli... and that crazy rabbit left eggs all over the house. It didn't take Eli long at all to find them all and put them in his basket... it took him even less time to figure out that the Easter Bunny had put chocolate and marshmellows in those eggs.

We went to Grandma and Grandpa Clarke's for Easter lunch and a little egg hunting.

It was a good day!

April 11, 2009

Easter Eggs are FUN! Right?

For some reason no matter what mommy does... she gets the boring egg dye. Next year I bet she buys the tie-dye or glitter stuff, I just know it! We did go crazy and open two different boxes of egg dye and put out every single color. We even had BROWN! Daddy made a stinky coffee egg.

It was fun and we didn't make to much of a mess.

April 9, 2009

Splish Splash I was taking a bath.... and for some reason he will only do it if the water is colored. Lee and I forgot to share this tid bit of info with Grandma when she babysat. She didn't see him put them in and when she saw the bath water changing colors she made Eli get out, rinsed him off, and she drained the water in a panic. She thought they were some sort of candy of something. Eli had a very hard time trying to explain what they were. Finally he did get it across that they were supposed to be in the water and it was ok, I think he showed her the jar they came out of. I bet that was an amusing situation, I mean if you were a fly on the wall. Grandma and Eli didn't find it amusing, hehe.

April 8, 2009

I have ruined my child... yes you read that right... he is ruined.

I'm home on spring break and Eli came downstairs today with his Easter suit that Jesi and Gran sent him and asked me to do a photoshoot. How many almost 4 year olds do you know that would do that? I mean seriously... sigh! I'm a lucky mommy. He even helped me set up and tear down. He suggested some poses, etc. It was super cute.

This is one of his poses, "a yoga pose" he says. :o)

These, of course, aren't all the pictures, but just a sampling. I can't post all 40 that turned out SUPER, that would be a bit extreme don't ya think?

April 4, 2009

Talk about the nick of time! I was released from the hospital yesterday afternoon. I'm not sure I should have even gone to Eli's game, but next week I have a chorus performance during his game/pictures so I wasn't missing this week's game! Eli was team captain today... not really sure what that means other then he goes to the middle before the game starts and he kicks the ball off at the begining, if he wins the coin toss, maybe? I guess I should ask the coaches, eh?

He played SO much better. He had a great time. He really hussled on the field and never went into that horrible goalie position, haha.



Oh and he noticed two of the girls on his team..... tisk tisk!