May 9, 2009

Saturday....

Breakfast....
Soccer...
Rest of the Day...

No matter what time the game 8:30 or 11:00 that is how our day goes. Today was a bit different. We got up, got ready and headed out for donut day. (Hello Hole in One!) On our way there I noticed Eli was looking not so good and next thing ya know he was SICK. He recovered quickly so I assumed it was one of those allergy/sinus drainage issues. He insisted on donuts and some "stinky coffee milk" (that would be milk from Starbucks in a small coffee cup) and we were on our way to the game. While waiting for Daddy at Starbucks Eli announced he was going to "run fast like Hemi!" It took me a minute to process what he was talking about. He was talking about the wacky squirrel in Over the Hedge. Once I made sure that was what Eli meant we talked about all the great things he was going to do during the game. We ate our donuts in the car and talked waiting for game time. We were early, but quite a bit, which always makes mommy happy. Eli got his shin guards on, soccer socks, and tennis shoes and we closed up the car and there was the look again. All of Eli's breakfast was left in the parking lot next to the car. He kept insisting he was going to play, no matter what mom or dad said. I mean what do we know, we are just parents, right?

We got him back in the car for a few minutes to sit in the air conditioning since it was 10:30 A.M. and already 87 degrees. I finally talked Eli into "sitting with daddy" rather then playing. We got out of the car to head to the game, two steps away from the car and he says "I can't do it, I have to go home." I knew exactly how the little person was feeling. You know when you are sick, and as long as you don't move you think "I'm feeling ok, I'm alright." but the second you get up WHAM! It hits you, and you feel terrible all over again.

I figured out why he was so set on going to the game. Eli had his hair spiked AND it was pink (just temp hair gel, no freaking out needed!) I reassured him that I would be happy to do the same style next week and he was ok to go home. We weren't in the car 5 minutes and lil' man was sound asleep. He spent almost the entire day on the couch. It was rather pitiful. He kept down a very late lunch and a small supper, so that was that. He wouldn't take off his soccer uniform all day. Not sure why, but it was sweet.

May 7, 2009

Life has been INSANE! I mean completely and totally overwhelming to the point where I almost drove past my house the other night when I was coming home from work at 10:44pm. Yes, you got that... and I'm still a teacher, haha. I am SO ready for summer for so many reasons. Not only am I ready for summer, just for things to slow down so I can be part of my own life again. I feel like my family life has been going on without me while I have been working, if that makes sense?

I think most of you know Eli turned four in April and Lee and I got him a "big boy bike." Well, we didn't get to take him out for his first official ride till this last week. It was awesome! Eli did SO well it was scary! He road for almost a mile and then decided he should walk his bike the rest of the way. He never complained of being tired, his legs hurting none of that... I think what it came down to was he missed holding hands and just walking with Daddy (or Mommy.) We used to take walks all the time, and being on his bike he was not "with" us. Lee and I were walking together watching him, amazed at what a BOY he was becoming and he felt seperate from us. It was sweet. It won't be long and he will be popping wheelies and scaring me to death!

May 6, 2009

8 Cork Chorus Members
1 Cork Orff Ensemble Member
600 Hillsborough County Students all together
17 buses (they forgot to order)
1 VERY long rehearsal
1 AWESOME performance
1 unbelievably tired and proud music teacher!

May 2, 2009

Today my kid ROCKED!!!

Yes, you read that right. Eli was SO freaking awesome today and I'm not sure saying that either. His coach was pretty impressed. You have to first go back to the first game of the season and remember Mr. Eli sitting in the corner of the goal and as soon as the ball and players came his way he just started crying... Not this game, baby! He was READY! I think it helps that Cade (the coaches 10 month old) got Eli a goal for his birthday and Eli and Daddy have been doing a bit of practicing in the back yard. Which reminds me, we should probably do some more practice. Well, the other team did score 3 points on him, but he stopped two and I would say for a just barely 4 year old that is pretty darn good!

To put things into perspective there is one player on our team that is very, VERY gifted at the game of soccer. Eli has come out of his shell, especially since we took those uncomfortable cleats off of him. (I'm not kidding, he ran like he was auditioning for a part in Cats.) Well, this game Eli was getting a little to close to the ball, and there were a couple of times when Eli got the ball and was doing a fine job taking it down the field. The "star player" wasn't a fan of that and wanted the ball back. E informed me after the game that " ____ took the ball from him and wasn't sharing" I guess this picture shows it all. This picture isn't mine, one of my inlaws took it (can't remember if it was mil or fil, sorry guys. ) I'm very proud of my little soccer player. I was very worried at the begining of the season, he didn't seem to be enjoying himself like I thought he would. I know when Leslie gets here for the summer he will have Eli out in the back yard practicing like crazy, they will make each other better players, not to mention be super cute playing together! I can't wait for that!

April 21, 2009 part 3

Ok, so if you were turning 4 and your mom and dad told you "you can have whatever you want for dinner, where do you want to go?" What would you choose? California Pizza Kitchen, of course, right? Yea, kinda what I thought too... haha. My son did! He asked for "fancy pizza" and I knew EXACTLY what he meant. We headed to the mall and he got exactly that.

We "never" let Eli ride the carousel, and I mean that literally, but since it WAS his birthday we gave it a spin. I'm just thankful I only ate half my pizza... I things could have gotten messy. Eli road the seal, I think that was another way to hint at the fact that the poor child just wanted to go to Sea World.

He also lucked out. I had a gift card for $10 for Build a Bear, so he got a new furry baby. This pup's name ended up being Peanut Butter (cute, eh?) Eli is very creative with this furry baby names! He came up with that one all on his own, just like Samich. No way could I possibly remember the parts routine this Build a Bear girl had Eli do, but it was awesome... he was rubbing his knee so Peanut Butter would always feel "kneeded" I mean it was precious. Eli had a great time building his new friend. We all had a good time! Happy Birthday Eli! I still can't believe you are 4!!

April 21, 2009 part 1

As our tradition has it, we released balloons today in honor of Ben. If you believe he is in heaven, then the balloons were sent to him. If you believe he has moved on to his next life, then maybe he will see them and smile, not knowing why they are floating by feeling something warm none the less.

I'm not sure if it is the surgery or what, but this year I missed Ben a great deal more then usual. Honestly, not sure if is Ben but all the things Eli is missing out on not having him here. All the "what ifs." Eli is old enough he asks questions, and he still doesn't quite understand. He makes connections with "Eli not being alone in mommy's tummy." I think it really helped seeing Jesi pregnant with Hayden. However, when "Ben" is mention he first things of Chrissie's son and doesn't understand why in the world mommy would be upset about Ben. Who could blame him, that would be quite confusing!

We talk very openly about Ben. I share my pain and sadness, but not to the point that it is overwhelming or depressing. Just every so often I will shed a tear, Eli will ask why and I will tell him. I think he needs to know and it isn't something that makes sense to hide from him. He is a smart little person and one day he would surely come to be angry if he found out we kept this from him.

Florida passed a law in the last year... most people don't know but according to the state of Florida Benjamin Phillip Clarke was never born. He has a death certificate, but no birth certificate. I have struggled with that a great deal. I worked with a group of parents of still borns and legislation was passed about a year ago and now there is a "still born birth certificate." I'm hoping by the boys' next birthday we will have one for Ben.


Benjamin Phillip Clarke, you are loved.....

and missed.

April 21, 2009 part 2

Eli had already had his big birthday cake at his party and he decided he would like a cookie for his birthday. So we lined up 4 dino birthday candles around the cookie and let the birthday wishes fly! He also brought out "his friends" to celebrate his "real birthday" with him. We opened his presents from mommy and daddy and the cards he had gotten in the mail. For some reason he was especially attached to the card Aunt Jesi and his new cousin Hayden had sent him and he hugged the picture of Hayden and kissed it (even without mommy telling him to!)

And as if on cue, the garden made a birthday strawberry just for Eli. Talk about a lucky boy!